1. |
Type 1
01:51
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I can’t wake up,
This town has us sleeping in cycles,
It’s got me on my knees begging to die.
Begging to wake up 18 again,
Healthy and awful,
I can’t get up,
Leave me on the floor.
Goddamn I’m sick as shit,
Day in and day out,
Of my head again you know,
I can’t fix myself,
Or begin to heal these wounds that no one can see,
This sickness is me.
Whose problems are these?
Whose shaking hands are these?
Whose problems are these?
Whose numb legs are these?
The harder I push,
The weaker I feel,
Can’t even convince,
That this pain is real,
Punchline for your joke,
You ignorant goon,
The two seem the same,
Both poison and food.
The saccharine highs,
The quivering lows,
I came to perform,
Now I’m sick at the show,
Politicians debate,
The fate of my life,
Unemployment again,
With no end in sight.
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2. |
Bad by Michael Jackson
01:39
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This place is bad,
Your heart is bad,
What have you done,
To make it better?
When the booze runs out
You’ll tear each other apart.
I don’t want to be a part of your we.
I don’t want to be a part of group identity.
Another day drowning in anxiety.
Get the fuck away from me.
This place is bad.
I myself am a vast desert,
An unbroken landscape of waste and heat.
And when you find that out I hope you stay away from me.
This place is me.
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3. |
Essays in Idleness
01:41
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Watching animals killing other animals,
I guess it’s not Buddhist but it should be.
The blood falls from my fingertip because I need it to,
but there you are asking me to insert the tip
of a syringe into my stomach behind a white bathroom door.
Is it hard to be a vegan who feeds mice to snakes?
I don’t know.
The blood,
if it can't be stopped,
will flow on me
and be enjoyed.
These chickens were ethically murdered,
these murders were ethically forgotten.
These people were ethically imprisoned,
these prisoners were ethically forgotten.
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4. |
Child
03:02
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There are bullet casings in the sand,
some are hot from the sun,
others hot from the chamber of the gun.
I gather them up in my hands,
and don't even flinch at the silence between the gunshots.
A hand is on my shoulder,
it's heavy and smells of blood,
and dirty feathers fall from the sky,
it's the hand of a god.
A hand is on my shoulder.
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5. |
No Moon
01:26
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Knife-gazing under no moon
other than the countless ones orbiting the
unseen planets above me.
And it gave me the same feeling I get as
when I stand next to the edge of
a deep
drop
and peer in
and no matter how high the guardrail
I picture plunging over
and the aftermath of hitting the ground.
Maybe it’s edges
But holding this knife reminds me
I’m scared of heights.
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6. |
Aggression
01:19
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Aggression is a christ,
it carries sins on its back,
up a desert hill to get nailed down flat.
You wear its symbol
around your neck,
and you look up at the stars but you're a fucking meat-sack.
You believe in god
'cause you don't want to die,
and your forgiveness is cute,
but I just don't have the time.
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7. |
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The wheel is tearing me apart.
Cycles tumble endlessly,
No ending, no start.
The afterparty coughing on the porch,
This is killing me,
I’ve been here before.
I can't get out.
This is not my fault right?
Drafts in the house,
Drafts in my head.
Listening to the sound
of the air freezing.
You're a broken stair,
the rapist's there,
you stand and stare,
as if you care.
It wasn't fair and you know it.
It wasn't fair,
but you've moved on and I'm still here.
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8. |
Punk House
02:44
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Hentai wilting in the rain,
dog shit and music,
you can’t breathe life into a corpse that’s begun to stink.
Why hold a hand that hates you?
Why hold when you don't care anymore?
Why hold a hand that hates you?
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9. |
The Worst
02:54
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Flashing lights on the way home,
pull to the side, no other way, no.
Flashlight to the face, what's the badge know?
Wrong color on the wrong road.
Hands up don't shoot, no officer, no.
Even when things go right
it's still awful beyond belief,
and I just do not have the words
to condemn the conduct at hand.
So keep voting, keep shopping, keep calling them sir.
People are murdered on your behalf,
all the while you're the worst.
If you ask me, you should die in their place,
your ancestors the literal master race.
Your protection of order? A fucking disgrace.
We will never have justice if we march at your pace.
Dear White America.
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10. |
One Word
00:37
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I would enter into a covenant with your god,
to speak one word,
and kill you dead,
and never to speak again.
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11. |
This Bloody Privilege
02:47
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I have to believe that the people I hurt aren't like me,
I have to believe that the land I live on belongs to me.
I have to believe that my position in life was earned by me.
I have to believe that I am stronger than those who disagree,
that the worst of me goes unseen.
And if it doesn't, I don't know what I will do,
I might just go shoot up a school,
or send a million threats to you,
won't tear myself apart for you
please do not let this be true.
I stand on unsteady legs,
a victim of cognitive dissonance,
a slave to justification,
I know you're all growing sick of this.
I tell you I already know,
but I'm begging to understand
the difference between you and me
I can't seem to comprehend.
At first I was defensive and angry,
but now I'm starting to see,
there's more to the way that I've hurt you,
and more to the way I must be.
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12. |
Wreck
01:38
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I feel a wreck.
I feel the pull of nothing at all.
Gender and sex,
identity approached like a choice between bathroom stalls.
And if I seem to fit,
it's because I fucking lied,
and if you see nothing wrong with it,
your hands are fucking tied.
Give me burnt buildings,
open wounds, ruined cities.
Shadows cast by flame,
every destruction without name.
Open up your mouth,
disgust yourself with what comes out,
I wish it was blood because what I'm saying is so much worse.
I would kill the world for $3 and someone to love,
all because I hate my job,
all because I had to wait in traffic.
Give me one reason to live.
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Self Neglect Albuquerque, New Mexico
More of a mood kill than a crowd kill.
Alex:vox:they/them
Matt:guitar:he/him
Derrick:bass:he/him
Leon:drums:he/him
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